IELTS MASTER | sample essay 9

sample essay 9

Some people want the government to spend more money for looking life on other planets, however others think it is waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth that the government should be solving. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Attempt 1: Human mankind as always tried to reach out and above the possibilities for a lookout on proof of life beyond earth however contrary to that the well being of the home planet is also important in many aspects. Firstly this essay will discuss on why finding life beyond earth is much needed followed by why the public money should be spent on the immediate concerns of the home plant.

Time to time, scientist have provided various substantial proves of existence of life beyond earth. This includes the rare materials, minerals, gasses and other sources of water and food. These are few of the main requirements of the survival of mankind. For example, In 2015 ISRO was able to capture pictures of canals on ground of Mars which could leads to under water tunnels and other water species.

Having said that, all these out of earth experiments are very expensive and takes a huge toll on taxpayers/public money. People are looking into immediate and fast solution towards the raising environment problems at earth which directly impacts on them and the coming generations. Public is more intended that their hard earned money should be spent on earth problems first. For example, survey conducted in famous newspaper shows that there has been increase of droughts by 18% in last 3 years which is increasing the need of environment solutions immediately.

In conclusion, both the areas of work has their value towards the contribution to mankind and its near or far future. It heavily depends on the understanding of the individual.

1. ‘Human mankind’ – humans and mankind mean the same thing, you cannot use both together
2. ‘as’ – has not as
3. ‘well being’ – well-being
4. ‘Firstly’ – give comma after firstly
5. You need to write better introduction. Watch this tutorial and learn how to write perfect introduction
6. ‘scientist´- scientists since you have written have
7. ‘proves’ – proofs not proves
8. ‘In’ – in with small i
9. The arguments given in the first body paragraph are incoherent and do not meet the criteria of task completion as you have not explained clearly that why government should spend money on search of extra-terrestrial life
10. ‘takes’ – take not takes because you are talking about multiple things
11. ‘taxpayers/public’ – taxpayers’ money
12. ‘raising’ – rising not raising
13. ‘which directly impacts on them’ – which have direct impact on them
14. The vocabulary used in the essay is very basic. There are lot of grammatical mistakes with wrong sentence structure. Your essay falls short on all four marking criteria so you need to work hard to score good bands in writing
15. ‘hard earned’ – hard-earned
16. ‘earth problems´- earth’s problems
17. ‘has’ – have not has

Band score – 5.5