Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today’s world subjects like Science and technology are more important than History. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Attempt 1: Some people think that History is among the most important subjects during one’s school time, whereas others argue that nowadays, Science is of more importance. While I do believe that subjects like Science are essential, I also think History is as important as other subjects.
First of all, History is one of the vital subjects about which one should acquire good knowledge. This is important because it may give information about cultural heritage and our ancestors along with the ways in which they have lived their lives. For instance, if we know about the freedom fighters, how they fought and many sacrificed their lives for the freedom we enjoy today, we will not take it for granted. In addition, these days world is moving towards primitive lifestyle to reduce the escalated stress levels and if we do not learn history, we would know nothing about that.
On the other hand, there are lots of inventions and improvements are taking place in modern age, which are beneficial for the mankind such as modern transport systems. These would not have been possible without studying Science, and that is why I think it is an indispensable subject of study. For professions such as engineering and medicine, Science lay down the foundations for those who aspire to be engineers and doctors in future. If there was no study of such subjects, there would be an acute shortage of competent doctors, and thus we would not have recovered from our illness as fast as we experience today.
In conclusion, although Science is important to study as it provides engineers and doctors needed in the present world, History is also required to acknowledge and venerate our founding fathers, and also to get a glimpse of basic lifestyle.
Feedback:
1. ‘Some people think that History’ – do not use the same words and language from the essay statement, it is a huge negative. Also some is not a proper word to start your essay
2. ‘important subjects’ – same mistake
3. Your introduction is absolutely incorrect. Watch our tutorial on task 2 and learn how to make perfect introduction https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0_23FBCnMY
4. ‘important’ – try to avoid repetition of words and phrases this will lower your score on lexical resources parameter
5. ‘have’ – had not have
6. ‘many’ – no need to write many here
7. ‘primitive’ – primitive is not the correct word to use for something old and positive, it is generally used in negative sense
8. ‘improvements are taking’ – improvements which are taking place
9. ‘engineers and doctors’ – repetition and too much focus on two professions only, science is not all about these two only
Band score – 5.5-6