IELTS MASTER | sample essay 5

sample essay 5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Attempt 1: It is believed by some people that staying in a nation where you have to speak their native language leads to social and practical issues. In my opinion, if people have the right mindset, they will have no major problems living in another country.

On the one hand, when people start living in a new country, they take considerable amount of time to make friends especially when the native language of the nation is different their own. In addition, they need to struggle in order to get a new job and that too becomes a major hassle because of language barrier. Consequently, a feeling of loneliness and depression starts developing.




On the other hand, if people have a right mindset to learn new languages, it helps them immensely. Furthermore, they learn to develop new skills and become extrovert, which in turn helps them to shape a better career and future. It has been proved that men who have great team and interpersonal skills and who travel around the world are more confident, they also excel more.

I think people should learn to embrace foreign languages and make more friends when living in a country. Citizens of foreign countries love people who want to be part of their culture and try to involve them in various festivals too. Countries like United States, Canada and Australia are clear examples of how all individuals prosper when immigrants integrate with local.

In conclusion, although people might face some problems initially when living in a country and speaking foreign language, it is in their best interest to be part of the new culture.

Feedback:
1. Never start an essay with words like it, there, while etc. these are not proper words to start an essay
2. You need to make an impressive introduction. For that please watch our tutorial on this task type. The link to the tutorial is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0Tw4u_Rzyg
3. Your introduction and first body paragraph are not coherent. You will learn how to structure this essay from the tutorial itself
4. ‘right mindset’ – do not repeat a word or a phrase too much in your task
5. ‘confident, they also excel more’ – confident and they perform better in their respective fields
6. Your writing style is good and crisp but you need to inculcate better vocabulary and work on the structure of your essay
7. Conclusion needs to be better as well so please our tutorial carefully and take care of all points highlighted in the feedback

Band score – 6.5

Attempt 2: Nowadays, many people are migrating to different countries for various reasons. However, it is believed
that living in a foreign country and speaking their language may cause many complex social and practical problems. I completely disagree with the statement and believe that all the problems get resolved over time, there might be some challenges in the beginning. These can be overcome by communication.




Firstly, One of the reasons for this kind of reasoning is because of the climatic change. When you move to a new country the effect of climate is huge on the body. Some people might even get sick. For instance, a person who lived in a country where the climate is modest and warm; finds it difficult in a country the climate is cold. However, this can be overcome with time. One can consult one of the neighbors and take suggestions. This will even help in building trust and make them feel comfortable around them.

Secondly, When living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language; The language itself might become a potential barrier. If a person is unable to communicate his idea effectively because of the mother tongue influence or short of vocabulary; his idea might get rejected as well. For example, if a foreign student while giving presentation explained the project very well, however due to the lack of vocabulary and using many repetitive words his efforts might get a less score than what he deserved. I beleive this can be resolved by taking effort to improve language.

After considering all these, I strongly beleive that communication and effort to resolve any problem will help you break-through any challenge in life..

Feedback:
1. Please watch our tutorial on this type of essay and learn how to make better introduction. The link to the tutorial is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0Tw4u_Rzyg
2. ‘climatic change’ – irrelevant argument, you cannot link language challenges to climate
3. The arguments given in first body paragraph are absolutely irrelevant and out of line. Your essay will score very low on task completion parameter. Watch the entire tutorial and learn the kind of arguments and examples you should use in the essay
4. Same mistake in the second body paragraph. Your essay falls short on task completion parameter
5. ‘beleive’ – spelling error, believe
6. The vocabulary used in the essay needs a lot of improvement as it is very basic
7. Conclusion needs to be better as well
8. You personalized the task 1 and essay both by using ‘he’ try to avoid this

Band score – 5-5.5


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