Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Attempt 1: It is believed by some people that staying in a nation where you have to speak their native language leads to social and practical issues. In my opinion, if people have the right mindset, they will have no major problems living in another country.
On the one hand, when people start living in a new country, they take considerable amount of time to make friends especially when the native language of the nation is different their own. In addition, they need to struggle in order to get a new job and that too becomes a major hassle because of language barrier. Consequently, a feeling of loneliness and depression starts developing.
On the other hand, if people have a right mindset to learn new languages, it helps them immensely. Furthermore, they learn to develop new skills and become extrovert, which in turn helps them to shape a better career and future. It has been proved that men who have great team and interpersonal skills and who travel around the world are more confident, they also excel more.
I think people should learn to embrace foreign languages and make more friends when living in a country. Citizens of foreign countries love people who want to be part of their culture and try to involve them in various festivals too. Countries like United States, Canada and Australia are clear examples of how all individuals prosper when immigrants integrate with local.
In conclusion, although people might face some problems initially when living in a country and speaking foreign language, it is in their best interest to be part of the new culture.
Feedback:
1. Never start an essay with words like it, there, while etc. these are not proper words to start an essay
2. You need to make an impressive introduction. For that please watch our tutorial on this task type. The link to the tutorial is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0Tw4u_Rzyg
3. Your introduction and first body paragraph are not coherent. You will learn how to structure this essay from the tutorial itself
4. ‘right mindset’ – do not repeat a word or a phrase too much in your task
5. ‘confident, they also excel more’ – confident and they perform better in their respective fields
6. Your writing style is good and crisp but you need to inculcate better vocabulary and work on the structure of your essay
7. Conclusion needs to be better as well so please our tutorial carefully and take care of all points highlighted in the feedback
Band score – 6.5
Attempt 2: Nowadays, many people are migrating to different countries for various reasons. However, it is believed
that living in a foreign country and speaking their language may cause many complex social and practical problems. I completely disagree with the statement and believe that all the problems get resolved over time, there might be some challenges in the beginning. These can be overcome by communication.
Firstly, One of the reasons for this kind of reasoning is because of the climatic change. When you move to a new country the effect of climate is huge on the body. Some people might even get sick. For instance, a person who lived in a country where the climate is modest and warm; finds it difficult in a country the climate is cold. However, this can be overcome with time. One can consult one of the neighbors and take suggestions. This will even help in building trust and make them feel comfortable around them.
Secondly, When living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language; The language itself might become a potential barrier. If a person is unable to communicate his idea effectively because of the mother tongue influence or short of vocabulary; his idea might get rejected as well. For example, if a foreign student while giving presentation explained the project very well, however due to the lack of vocabulary and using many repetitive words his efforts might get a less score than what he deserved. I beleive this can be resolved by taking effort to improve language.
After considering all these, I strongly beleive that communication and effort to resolve any problem will help you break-through any challenge in life..
Feedback:
1. Please watch our tutorial on this type of essay and learn how to make better introduction. The link to the tutorial is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0Tw4u_Rzyg
2. ‘climatic change’ – irrelevant argument, you cannot link language challenges to climate
3. The arguments given in first body paragraph are absolutely irrelevant and out of line. Your essay will score very low on task completion parameter. Watch the entire tutorial and learn the kind of arguments and examples you should use in the essay
4. Same mistake in the second body paragraph. Your essay falls short on task completion parameter
5. ‘beleive’ – spelling error, believe
6. The vocabulary used in the essay needs a lot of improvement as it is very basic
7. Conclusion needs to be better as well
8. You personalized the task 1 and essay both by using ‘he’ try to avoid this
Band score – 5-5.5
Attempt 3: With Globalization spreading its roots across the world, immigration to a new country from one’s home country has augmented to a remarkable extent. And as the immigrants settle or visit in a foreign language country, the possibility of some serious social and practical problems has also escalated manifold. In my view, I completely concur to this possibility.
Firstly, immigrants are in for a definite cultural shock the first time they enter a foreign country. To illustrate, every country will have its own share of cultural values which will be very different from one’s home country like if one goes to UK, people are too pertinent about the usage of English language whereas in US, people are easy going and acceptable about different forms of English dialects. Hence, an immigrant must be cognizant about such information before he/she travels to that country.
Secondly, the kind of information which is considered normal to be asked to a fellow stranger also differs from country to country. One clear example is that in western countries, it is considered offensive if an individual’s general health information like weight, height, past health issues, etc. is enquired without any substantial valid reason however in most Asian countries this is seen to be explicitly discussed among the masses.
Lastly and most significantly, every country’s citizens have their own way of engaging in conversations with their fellow compatriots. The immigrant must know this way for the respective country he/she is travelling to in order to stay reverent to the country’s cultural values. For instance, in India, it might be considered normal to ask about one’s personal life to someone you know however in many countries, significant emphasis is given on maintaining private space and even relatives or friends are not expected to intrude the same.
To recapitulate, the social and practical problems while visiting to a foreign language country are inevitable however a better cognizance and observation can make oneself resonating to the visiting country’s culture.
Feedback:
1. The essay is a bit lengthy. Try to keep it within 320 words
2. ‘Globalization’ – globalization with small g
3. ‘immigration’ – migration not immigration
4. ‘visit in a foreign language country’ – frame this part in a better manner, like settling in a country where they are not well versed in the native language
5. ‘one’s home country’ – avoid repetition of phrases this will lower your score on lexical resources parameter
6. ‘UK’ – always write the UK
7. ‘US’ – always write the US
8. ‘easy going’ – this is an informal way of writing
9. ‘acceptable’ – better word is amenable. You need to use better vocabulary to score good bands in writing
10. ‘immigrant’ – avoid over use and repetition of words
11. ‘foreign language country’ – no need to write language
Band Score – 6
Attempt 4: Globalisation and advancement in the field of technology act as a source of fuel for many people migrating to the western land. However, when an individual has to communication in the local dialect of the country, it gives rise to social as well as practical issues. I completely concur with this belief and through this essay,
I will expound my reasons in support of this notion.
Firstly, when a person relocates to a foreign land and being unfamiliar to the local language could primarily results into social concerns. It would become difficult for a person to converse with the native citizens, thus presenting their unsocial characteristics. For example, a survey had been conducted by the Department of Education, United Kingdom across all major universities to analyse the cultural shock experienced by international students particularly because of language barriers. The results were astonishing and entailed that 86% of the foreign children tends to communicate less with the local students consequently showcasing their reserved nature. In addition to that, they tend to stay with the people from their homeland. Therefore, lack of native language awareness results into reclusive nature by the non-residents.
Secondly, being a migrant, individuals often find it cumbersome task to express themselves properly and communicate their requirement as per their needs to locals. Hence, resulting in practical challenges. For example, the Department of Statistics, University of Russia released a research paper suggesting that almost 25% of the immigrants find it difficult to communicate their needs to sales person in major of the supermarket. Therefore, lack of local language knowledge act as an alarming practical concern for all non-residents.
By the dint of aforementioned arguments, I have articulated the hardship experienced by the majority of human beings and the requirement to tackle the same if they are not well versed with the local dialect of the country they are moving to. These backbreaking challenges can thwart the essential activities that one needs to execute for a decent living.
Feedback:
1. The essay is just a bit lengthy try not to exceed 320 words
2. ‘as a source of fuel for many people migrating’ – source of fuel is not the right way to put it, it will reduce your marks on coherent and cohesion parameter. Try to write like these are encouraging and helping people to migrate easily
3. ‘western land’ – you cannot relate migration to a particular region, it can be to any country, western or eastern
4. ‘communication’ – communicate
5. ‘results’ – result, because you are talking about two factors
6. ‘unsocial characteristics’ – not the right words to use discomfort in communicating, unsocial is a negative word used for someone who does not like to meet people
7. ‘nature’ – repetition
8. ‘communicate their requirement’ – repetition of phrase
9. ‘major’ – most of the
10. ‘supermarket’ – supermarkets
11. ‘act’ – acts
12. ‘majority of human beings’ – not human beings but people who migrate to other countries
Band score – 6-6.5