When designing a building the intended use of the building should be taken into account rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Attempt 1: In the modern world, many of the buildings are designed and constructed with innovative and unique thoughts. Although many civil engineers are considering various factors while designing the house, I believe that higher precedence should be given to the purpose of the construction rather than just the appearance.
In the design of any building, the key factors such as space utilization and use of natural resources are most crucial. It is argued by many that some of these key parameters are given least priority during the design. In order to provide stylish designs for a better visual appearance, some of the buildings were constructed which receives minimal sunlight. Due to this, the purpose of lighting is compromised and dependency on external power sources increases. Secondly, it is commonly observed in many of the office buildings that more spacing is allocated to corridors and lobbies and less space is allocated to the conference rooms or people to work. This would have an immense effect on the employee’s productivity.
Furthermore, considering the best view of the building, the cost of the building drastically increases. To keep the building modern, it has to considered that frequent design modifications would be necessary. As per one of the survey, it was found that at least 23% of the expenditure goes towards the expenses of the outward appearance.
To conclude, while designing a building, it is very essential to consider key parameters and also the funds allocated towards the stylish designs to enhance the beauty of the building should be kept low.
Feedback:
1. You could have added a sentence or two more as there is scope with word count of 356 words.
2. ‘engineers are considering´- engineers consider
3. ‘least’ – always use the with words like least, most, latest etc.
4. ‘receives’ – receive because you are about buildings which are multiple
5. ‘This would have an immense effect on the employee’s productivity’ – the arguments and examples given in the first body paragraph are not clear and coherent enough to support your opinion
6. ‘survey’ – surveys not survey
7. Second body paragraph is irrelevant in the essay because your opinion that building should be designed according to purpose so instead of giving negative points on appearance give more points on purpose to support your opinion
8. ‘very’ – no need to write very here
9. Your conclusion is not correct as it does not mention that building should be designed as per purpose explicitly
10. You need to improve the vocabulary used in the essay
Band score – 6