IELTS MASTER | sample essay 47

sample essay 47

Some people believe that robots are important for humans to develop their future, while others think that it is a dangerous invention that will impact society negatively. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Attempt 1: Robots are a complex collation of algorithms related to artificial intelligence and machine learning, having the capability to do what humans are physically and mentally capable of doing. Robots are of two types – Humanoid and Non-Humanoid, but irrespective of the type they are made to automate certain tasks. One school of thought believes that robots will pave the way for a better future while others think robots to be a dangerous invention, a threat to mankind, that will have negative impacts that may outdo the positive. In this essay, we will discuss both views and my opinion in this matter.

To elucidate some advantages, robots these days are present in almost all industries. Be it manufacturing, healthcare, education, military or hospitality, many redundant tasks have been automated with the inclusion of humanoid or non-humanoid robots. Medical robots are assisting in non-invasive surgeries, where the surgeon now controls the needles just like a joystick and the entire surgical procedure is conducted by robotic arms and complex mathematical algorithms. During the pandemic, robots played a crucial role by taking up a lot of tasks in hospitals like cleaning, sanitizing and assisting patients. It helped the airline industry to automate flying airplanes as well as airport procedures for boarding. The advantages that robots have bought to our lives are innumerable and it is hard to argue that the benefits won’t help humans towards further developments and brighter future.




The disadvantages of handling the baton of handling redundant tasks include loss of employment which in turn also leads to economic slump. Some research around robotic algorithms are scary. For instance, Facebook researchers had to shut down an AI bot which had started developing its own language unintelligible to humans. There are robots who can drive cars which can be prone to accidents and any casualty can cost a human life. Then there are unethical developers who can use robotic military weapons that can be detrimental to the society. But with the advent of the concept of ethical AI, these drawbacks can be rooted out by governing bodies.

In my opinion, Robots are essential for a developed human future. They are harmless until they are created to do harm. Hence the intention behind creating a robot is primary. Any implementation of automation should go through a formal regulatory screening to ensure the use of the robot is for an ethical purpose. If there are stringent checks in place, no developments can be made that will harm the society.

Feedback:
1. Essay is too long which is a negative, it should not be more than 320 words
2. ‘think’ – consider not think
3. ‘we’ – who is we?
4. Overall it is a much better introduction compared to your last attempt
5. ‘won’t’ – contraction
6. In the first body paragraph you have emphasised completely on what robots are doing today and only in the last line you have mentioned that robots will help in future. This structure is completely falling short on task completion parameter. You have to relate present day advantages with future because essay statement is about future development and not present day advantages
7. Try to use better vocabulary, advantages and disadvantages are very common words. It will lower your score on lexical resources parameter
8. ‘But with the advent of the concept of ethical AI, these drawbacks can be rooted out by governing bodies.’ – you cannot use this line while giving negative points of robots, instead it should be part of your conclusion
9. ‘Robots’ – robots with small r
10. ‘developed’ – do not use same words from essay statement and use better vocabulary

Band score – 6-6.5

Attempt 2: After computers, one of the best invention is robot. Nowadays, there are numerous innovations in the robotic technology and robots are widely used in many industries. It is commonly believed by many that robots act as a vital role in our future, while others argue that they are harmful to the society. I agree with the opinion that the robots are important in our lives, however, there are a few negative effects which I would be discussing here.




In the current world, robots are widely used in almost all the domains for example, in the food industry, they serve food in multi-cuisine restaurants, assisting doctors in an operation theatre. It is commonly said by many that robots that are fully-governed by humans are very resourceful, intelligent and trusted. They are very capable of performing the operations in the speedy and extensive manner, when compared to a common man. Additionally, utilization of robotic science is enormous in research projects. As per one of the news article, some of reputed government organizations such as NASA and ISRO had utilized robots in space programs to collect and send data from space in real-time with the help of satellites.

On the other hand, many people have a notion that extensive usage of robots should be limited. Firstly, many industries are replacing robots with humans due to which there is a huge affect on jobs. Secondly, it is widely argued that although the robots are highly intellectual, the thought process is very limited when compared to humans. As depicted in many movies, robots don’t have thinking capability to act based on the situation. So, there is involved in public lives and this could cause severe damage to society.

To conclude, even though robotics is a promosiing technology which can greatly helpful to the future development, there is a risk involved in the society in terms of society and the level of common sense. Considering the above benefits, the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

Feedback:
1. ‘invention’ – inventions not invention, always use plural of noun with the phrase ‘one of the’
2. ‘robots act as a vital role in our future’ – robots will play a vital role
3. The ending of your introduction is confusing and self contradicting
4. ‘robots are widely used in almost all the domains’ – you cannot claim that robots are used in all domains or industries because it is not true at all. This statement makes your entire paragraph incoherent
5. ‘extensive’ – better word is efficient manner
6. ‘article’ – articles
7. ‘some of reputed’ – some of the reputed
8. ‘had’ – have not had
9. ‘replacing robots with humans’ – replacing humans with robots
10. ‘affect’ – effect not affect, understand the difference between the two
11. ‘intellectual’ – wrong word to use for robots, robots are not intellectual, understand the meaning of this word
12. ‘don’t’ – do not
13. ‘promosiing’ – spelling error, promising
14. ‘can greatly’ – can be greatly

Band score – 5.5

Attempt 3: In this modern era, many people assert that machines, such as robots are beneficial for the development
of humans in this earth, whereas many others believe that it could have adverse consequences in terms of social aspect. As per my perspective robots are boon for contemporary world and I will jot down predominant points for the same.




Based upon recently published article in one of the prominent national newspapers; evidently, there is a significant surge in the consumption of robots in past few decades. There are various kinds of robots in vogue and its assistance are not only limited to manufacturing commercial products such as cars, but also, can assist in the construction of skyscrapers or high-rise buildings. This will in turn save significant time, money and efforts and by this way country can develop rapidly, which will certainly increase GDP of a particular country and eventually people will be benefitted. Moreover, robots can be life time companion for a handicapped person, as it can easily perform daily work, for instance carpet cleaning etc.

Admittedly, many other people say that these automated machines can have perilous repercussions and it can be detrimental to society; because, it can build dependency, once people are used to these devices and will involve themselves in lesser physical activity, which can jeopardize their health. Moreover, terrorist can use robots to attack common people as well.

Based upon aforementioned points, I would like to recapitulate that appropriate use of robots can bring tremendous support to human beings, as well as, it can do numerous positive activities which people never thought earlier.

Feedback:
1. ‘in’ – on not in
2. ‘consumption of robots’ – you cannot consume robots, you can use or deploy these
3. ‘its’ – their not its
4. ‘are’ – is not are
5. ‘This will in turn’ – wrong tense used here, since you have earlier used present tense to give examples of usage of robots so its benefits should also be in present tense
6. ‘it’ – these not it because you have written robots
7. ‘and it’ – same mistake
8. The arguments given in second paragraph are weak to explain the negative aspects of robots
9. The example of terrorists is not really relevant and appropriate

Band score 6-6.5