IELTS MASTER | sample essay 30

sample essay 30

Online, people write product reviews and opinions about services. Is it a good thing or bad thing?

Attempt 1:The digital media has taken the world by storm and the burgeoning presence of options online is spoiling
users with choices. Products are fighting for the users attention and one of their most popular tactics is customer testimonials. This article will elaborate on how I feel that hearing from real users may be a great selling point for the brand.

On one hand, we must not forget that the freedom the internet has brought has also blurred the lines between reality and what’s fake. There is a high level of anonymity in the cavalcade of opinions we are presented. A study conducted by Harvard revealed that in a year, over 48% of people in Europe faced an issue of being scammed online. This can make us question the internet’s authenticity.




However, I strongly feel that internet has broken a barrier in the form of flashy advertisements and exposed the customer to users like themselves. Forums are provided to have healthy conversations on what works best for people, but they are free to pick what they prefer. A research conducted by a popular lifestyle magazine suggests that small scale businesses have grown tremendously in the last decade because the internet is a cheaper medium with a bigger reach.

Therefore, looking at all the benefits we as consumers have from the comfort of our homes, I say that product feedback by real customers online is crucial before we take a call on what brand, model or make to finalise on. This is true not just for products but for schools, hospitals and even services. We should work towards using this powerful tool in a responsible way to maximise it’s benefits as an enabler.

Feedback:
1. ‘Products’ – brands not products
2. ‘fighting’ – jostling is a better word to use here
3. ‘users’ – users’ not users
4. ‘the’ – which not the
5. ‘internet’ – write Internet with capital I
6. ‘what’s’ – write full form, what is
7. ‘fake’ – better words would be fabricated or biased
8. The end of your introduction and first body paragraph are not is sync. First body paragraph should support your opinion articulately which is not the case here. It presents a confused structure
9. The focus of your essay is internet but you should have focused more on the online reviews and opinions, how these help users to find the best option and other benefits for them
10. ‘benefits’ – there should be a comma after benefits
11. ‘it’s’ – its not it’s understand the difference between the two

Band score – 6-6.5