Local people do not go very often to museums or historical sites. Why is that? What can be done to change the situation?
Attempt 1: In this contemporary era, many people are quite busy in their daily life and do not frequently visit local museums and historical places. It could be due to lack of time or awareness. Therefore, in this essay, I will jot down why exactly it happens and what are all steps can be considered to mitigate this state.
According to research paper published by one of the prominent newspaper, “In this modern world, People do not get time to visit ancient historical sites or museums, because of hectic life and on top of this, ironically, many even are not aware about these local place.” With that said, if people will not be aware, then how even they can plan their trips in these buildings. Moreover, it has been noticed that, unavailability of enough information is also one of factor, which is further expanding the unawareness.
To resolve this awareness problem, local authorities and government must pay attention to this problem and take adequate actions. They can create proper websites to increase awareness, so that people can get all information easily. At the same time, hoarding can also be placed at the key places in the city; so that, common people can get all the required information.
Based upon aforementioned points, I would like to recapitulate that predominantly due to lack of awareness and advertisement people does not visit local historical heritage and museums. Hence, government and local administrative officers must spread awareness for the same and increase the advertisement budget; so that, common people can visit these places, which will in turn increase ones knowledge pertaining to ancient history, and by this way one can realize, how much strenuous efforts would have been devoted by our ancestors to make our life smooth.
Feedback:
1. ‘many´- no need to write many here
2. ‘what are all steps can be considered’ – the steps that can be taken
3. ‘newspaper’ – newspapers
4. Do not directly quote other sources, frame the information in your words. You could have written the same thing with quotes
5. ‘trips in’ – trips to
6. ‘resolve this awareness problem’ – resolve this problem of lack of awareness
7. ‘awareness’ – avoid repetition of words
8. ‘hoarding’ – banners
9. Do not split your conclusion in two separate paragraphs it has to be one
10. ‘does’ – do not does because people are plural
11. Overuse of word awareness which highlights your weak point in lexical resources
12. ‘ones’ – one’s
Band score – 6