Students in school and university learn far more from lessons with their teachers compared to other sources, such as the television or the internet. Do you agree or disagree?
Attempt 1: In this modern era, with the development of technology, the methods of delivering education are also been modified. Some people believe that the educational institution is an effective way of learning for students while others think that the internet, television and other electronic sources are more productive. In my opinion, the former thought is more acceptable.
First and foremost reason to support my idea is the credibility for the source of education. If an individual compares the information getting from a tutor with one available on internet, obviously the teacher is more reliable source. Because on the internet there is many false information uploaded from many incredible sources which can misguide the learners. And the students might start thinking that they learned but in real they might not be getting the true education. Moreover if the way of getting lessons starts getting digitalized, students will lack the values of basic interaction which will inhibit the overall development. During a class, a student is able to communicate with his teacher and this way his confidence is boosted and eventually leads to better performance results.
The other idea which enforces my viewpoint is that if learners start getting their lessons on televisions or internet, they will not be that much productive that they should be. They can easily be influenced with the advertisements and other gaming stuff. This will lead to more distractions and they can even try to copy the material available online to complete their tests and assignments which will increase the probability of cheating and copying among them.
So, considering the above thoughts, I personally believe that the education which a student can get from his teacher through lessons will prove much more successful as compared to online sources.
Feedback:
1. ‘education are also been’ – education have also been
2. ‘In my opinion, the former thought is more acceptable.’ – you need to end your introduction better.
Please watch our tutorial on this type of essay and learn to write better introduction. The link to the tutorial is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7Fk7yDpn4M
3. ‘foremost’ – put comma after foremost
4. ‘for’ – of not for
5. ‘internet’ – write Internet with capital I
6. ‘incredible’ – unreliable is the better word
7. ‘Moreover’ – put comma after moreover
8. Your basic English is correct with very few grammatical errors
9. You need to use better vocabulary to score high bands in writing. The current vocabulary used is very basic and will not get you good bands
10. The sentences used in the essay are very simple. You need to make your sentences more complex
Band score – 6