Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned? Do you agree or disagree?
Attempt 1: In the modern world, playing risky games seems more fun. Some of them are heavily dangerous whereas others are less impact. Many of the life risk games are conducted with international safeguard standards. However, there were many instances in the past where players seriously hurt and in some cases, they lost their lives.
It was a very well known truth that these critical sports are money-making games. These accumulate enormous money and many sponsors invest hugely in this industry. Similarly, the majority of the contestants are endangering their lives for lumpsum amounts. It was also argued that such players who get affected by accidents during the gameplay would lay them to bed for the lifetime.
Furthermore, due to the immense fan-following on these hazardous games, although several restrictions were imposed, many players engage in risky contests. For instance, WWF, a tournament where two or more players combat each other. It was widely said that the players in these game don’t follow proper rules. Even after knowing the reality, players do deliberately take part in such games for immense applause from the audience.
Finally, there are games which were conducted with the utmost precautions still fails seldom. One such sport is Motor racing. There are a wide variety of races, out of the motorbike racing is extremely dangerous. Although players are provided with best guards, due to the nature of the game they have to perform several jumps or chase others with faster speeds. It was published in newspapers that the chance of misfortunes in such games is 2% around 10 years back and it is increasing over time.
In conclusion, I agree that dangerous games should be banned which puts sport-stars life at high jeopardy. At a minimum, stringent rules should be imposed for the safety and wellbeing of the professionals.
Feedback:
1. ‘them´- these not them, them is used for persons
2. ‘impact’ – perilous
3. ‘life risk games’ – life threatening games
4. ‘players seriously hurt’ – players were seriously hurt
5. Your introduction is improper because you did not mention your opinion. Watch this tutorial to learn how to make introduction in type of essay https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7Fk7yDpn4M
6. ‘was a very well known truth’ – it is a well-known truth
7. Since you have not mentioned your opinion in the introduction, the structure of your essay is not proper because examiner does not know what to expect in rest of the essay
8. ‘for lumpsum amounts’ – for lucrative opportunities
9. ‘on’ – of not on
10. ‘players engage’ – players still engage
11. ‘these game’ – these games not game
12. ‘don’t’ – do not use contractions in IELTS writing always use full forms, do not
13. ‘sport-stars life’ – sportspersons’ lives
14. ‘at’ – in not at
Band score – 5.5