IELTS MASTER | sample essay 6

sample essay 6

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Attempt 1: It is often said that modern life presents us with overwhelming of choices. I completely agreed with this and believed that internet and globalization are two major factor to involved.

To begin with, It is totally deniable that the internet has number of choices available to us. For instance, now almost endless. One of the eye catching example is media,that consist abundance of options. Along with this, media aid to support one’s talent and become popular among people.however,there are plenty of things to watch over internet with 24/7 access at anywhere around the world. TO give detailed in my personal point of view that in childhood, I watched only two or three TV’s programs, However nowadays we have numerous shows,films,programs and many more things to watch. Internet provides study material as well as news report.




To adding up, globalization is well-known elaborate concept in order to discuss above statement. While, internet is major fact to study, students have many choice to study globally, It leads to confusion for selection of country which is suitable for their study. Globalization is making world smaller and compounding this problem of too much choice.Cheap international flights have made overseas travel possible for millions of people, but this also means that we are faced with world of options when deciding where to go for holiday or even where to live.

In conclusion, i pen down saying that we are faced with a huge number of options in most area of life nowadays, and this is often more bewildering than beneficial.

Feedback:
1. Try to elaborate more the ideal word limit for essay is 270-320 words, current word count is 255 only
2. Your introduction is very short and inappropriate. Please watch our tutorial and learn how to make introduction in type of task. The link to the tutorial is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7Fk7yDpn4M
3. ‘overwhelming of’ – overwhelming number of choices
4. ‘agreed’ – agree not agreed
5. ‘believed – believe not believed
6. ‘internet’ – Internet with capital I
7. ‘factor’ – factors since you are talking about multiple things
8. ‘It’ – it with small i
9. ‘deniable’ – wrong use of the word, understand the meaning clearly of a word before using it
10. ‘For instance, now almost endless’ – abrupt sentence, without making much sense
11. ‘media,that’ – give space after comma, it is a consistent mistake in your writing and computer will cut your marks for this grammatical mistake
12. ‘aid’ – aids not aid
13. ‘To adding up’ – better phrase is ‘In addition’
14. ‘choice’ – choices because you have written many
15. Conclusion is too short, try to elaborate more

Band score – 4.5


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