IELTS MASTER | sample essay 4

sample essay 4

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

Attempt 1:  To be an entrepreneur is a dream for few people and considered to be superior than working for someone else, these days. It gives us more freedom in many aspects, however, it has its own drawbacks as well. In
my opinion, though, working in an organization as an employee is easier, it is good be your own boss,
despite all difficulties.

There are few obstacles which one needs to overcome, in order to sustain in the market.

Firstly, before starting own business one needs experience, which a fresh college graduate may not have,
without that one will not know where to initiate. Some guidance required here, which may be costlier, if
one needs to recruit experts to advise.

Secondly, if one is not born rich, one may need to consider applying for a loan to arrange the capital,
where one needs to pay installments regularly which may become a hurdle until unless the business runs
smooth enough to generate the income/profits which covers at least the installment amounts.

Thirdly, we may have to spend more time at work compared to a job at a company as each and every
aspect has to be looked into on our own, at least initially, until we get settled down.

Finally, it is not a cake walk to find customers and understanding their problems. Sometimes, based on
the type of business we chose may attract more customers where we may struggle to fulfill their needs.
This may force us to hire staff which involves regular payments which is a overburden in case of unstable

In conclusion, I would recommend to gain some sort of experience and study the field thoroughly and
have proper plan in place to ensure to face the ebbs and tides of it, before stepping into any kind of own

1. The structure of the entire essay is wrong with so many small paragraphs which do not provide any substance to  he essay. Watch our tutorial on task 2 and improve your attempt
2. ‘To’ – this is not the right way to start an essay
3. ‘few people’ – you are contradicting essay statement which says many people want to be entrepreneur. This shows that you have not understood the task accurately
4. ‘good be’ – good to be
5. Introduction needs a lot of improvement. Again watch the tutorial to work on that
6. ‘There are few obstacles which one needs to overcome, in order to sustain in the market.’ – completely irrelevant line
7. ‘Finally’ – this paragraph should be your conclusion because you have written finally.
8. The vocabulary used in the task is very basic which will not get you good bands in lexical resources parameter
9. Overall it is a below average attempt with lot of areas of improvement

Band score 5.5

Attempt 2: With a development of high technologies and quality of internet more and more people begin to work independently in different types of jobs. For example, a few decades ago engineers were able to work in the office or on field only in the company, because of the strong physical connection to the construction or design process. Although today we can easily imagine that employee can be involved in any type of engineering work by means of the internet and new devices, like 3D-modelling software and powerful laptop. Therefore, employee can easily be free to work with a final customer directly or as a subcontractor in any place of the world. I’m sure that modern means are giving more opportunities to work as a self- employed. It gives a freedom for choosing direction of business development and opportunity to earn more money without any limits.

On the other hand, this type of occupation may have a few negative points. One of them is a big risk of unemployment that can happen because of the economic crisis, unavailability to pay from customer’s side (bankrupt), reducing economical value of the service that you offer, unprofitability.

Another disadvantage is a difficulty to have a vacation time, especially for people who recently started the business. It is hard to set the limit of your working time when you are self-employed, because usually when you work more period, more money you can earn. Sometimes this approach in a long term can cause mental diseases.

In conclusion, I want to remind such well-known phrase: “If you don’t risk, you are not drinking champagne”. Although, that risk should have a reason. All business should have a strategy and if you don’t, better to work for a company, it can save health and money for treatment.

1. Your introduction is too long and inappropriate. Watch our tutorial and learn how to write the perfect introduction
2. ‘a’ – the not a
3. ‘internet’ – Internet with capital I
4. ‘people begin’ – people have begin to
5. ‘jobs’ – if they are working independently then it cannot be a job
6. ‘For example, a’ – arguments and examples should be given in body paragraphs not in introduction
7. ‘I’m’ – never use contractions in IELTS writing always use full form. I am
8. ‘gives a’ – gives the freedom
9. ‘(bankrupt),’ – do not write words in brackets, try to explain it in words
10. ‘is a’ – no need to write a here
11. The vocabulary used in the essay is very basic and will not get you good bands on lexical resources. Also the structure needs to be corrected.

Band score – 5.5