Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Attempt 1: Although there is a belief that social networking platforms have aided people in becoming more social, certain demographics of people have a different view that its effect is adverse. In my opinion, modern technology is a double edged sword having merits as well as demerits. It depends on its usage. This essay will elaborate further on both the views with relevant examples.
Modern technology like social networking sites have provided a common stage where people can stay connected with their friends, family and colleagues. It is quite easy to communicate any good or bad news to everyone in your social circle. For instance, if you have become a father than just a post on Facebook will notify everybody in no time. So, social network has become a useful and easy tool to keep in touch with your near and dear ones.
On the contrary, although modern technology has made communication easier on virtual world, there is a sharp decline in people meeting in person. Earlier, there was a norm in the society to meet regularly with friends during their leisure time. Additionally, nowadays, people conveniently take an easy route by wishing on social media and do not bother to call or meet for best wishes. So, modern technology has improved the way of communication but, in real terms, has made this world less social.
To recapitulate, modern technology has advantages as well as disadvantages in fabricating the social world. In my opinion, social networking tools can co-exist with our standard social way of living provided they are are put in application properly and efficiently by people at large.
Feedback:
1. ‘Although’ – improper word to start the essay
2. ‘double edged’ – double-edged
3. Very well written introduction
4. First body paragraph is written quite well. But it lacks good vocabulary and needs more elaboration with better arguments. For example with the help of modern technology you can make video calls and feel like you are physically there. Several online communities and forums have come into existence where strangers become acquaintance and share and exchange ideas
5. In the second body paragraph better arguments would have been that because of modern technology people are not more engaged in individual activities like online gaming and binge watching on video platforms like YouTube, Netflix etc. which leaves very less time for in person communication
6. ‘are’ – repetition
7. Overall it is a well written essay. The only areas of improvements are lack of good vocabulary and better arguments to make your essay more impressive and score highly on lexical resources and task completion parameters
Band score – 6.5