Some people say the Olympic Games are not relevant in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?
Every four years, people from all around the world witness one of the most respected sporting events known as the ‘Olymic Games’. Although the games showcase a range of sporting events for countries to compete against, there are some that dominate while others merely participate. In this essay, I will elaborate some key positive and negative views of the 21st century.
The Olympic Games are an opportunity for countries to show solidarity and support their teams during this fierce competition. Firstly, each team has an entire nation backing them whilst they compete because their presence unifies the public as a whole. Secondly, TV networks across the world are broadcasting these live games, which then creates social events and gatherings allowing the public to bond. For example, I recollect the time Australia won several gold medals for running and swimming and this created headlines across all fronts and a sense of pride was seen amongst all. Due to these reasons, Olympic Games are crucial in bringing people together.
The intense competition between nations also encourages political intervention and cheating. At first, powerful nations such as Russia and America indulge in lethal competition that could skirt the boundaries of fair play since each nation wants to prove that they are better than the other. Furthermore, the global climate plays an equally detrimental role as some countries are restricted from participating due to political tensions. For instance, we saw Russian athletes being banned from professional competition due to their country being at war with Ukraine. Hence, we find that the games could bring about negative effects on the country too.
In conclusion, I agree that the Olympic Games do bring the nation together to show a sense of solidarity and belongingness, yet, we find that some nations indulge in political warfare and use underhand tactics to show their supremacy.
Feedback:
1. ‘Olymic’ – spelling error
2. ‘sporting events’ – avoid repetition of words and phrases this will lower your score on lexical resources parameter
3. ‘In this essay, I will elaborate some key’ – ending of introduction is not proper as it is not an advantage disadvantage essay type. Please watch our tutorial on how to write introduction for this type. The link to the tutorial is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7Fk7yDpn4M
4. ‘compete’ – avoid repetition
5. ‘live games’ – these games live
6. ‘time Australia’ – time when Australia
7. ‘wants to prove that they’ – inconsistency in the sentence as you have written wants which is used with singular and then they you have written they which is plural
8. You will not score on coherence parameter as the content in the essay is not relevant. You have misunderstood the statement and the structure is incorrect. It had to be written as an opinion essay but as mentioned earlier it is more of a advantage disadvantage essay which will hurt your score on task completion parameter as well
9. The vocabulary used in the essay could be better
10. ‘solidarity’ – repetition
Band Score – 6-6.5