IELTS MASTER | sample essay 1

sample essay 1

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.

Attempt 1: It is irrefutable that, sometimes problems and bad situations are helpful to learn our mistakes. But some individuals think that, people should accept all failures and problems such as financial crisis and more, while others believe that, people should try to solve those problems as much as possible and reduce the stress. This essay intends to analyse both sides and give my opinion in the following paragraphs.

There are many reasons behind people have to accept bad situations and live with these problems. To begin with, nowadays person has more responsibilities as compared to past, due to more workload and less income. In order to explain that, these days people have very busy schedule, so if they get any financial problem, then they accept it and feel part of failure. For instance, now many people have lost their jobs due to pandemic crisis. Even individuals waste their time and money instead of finding a new job. Basically, people think that, they cannot achieve success in their life.




On the other hand, some people think contradict the above-mentioned view, they believe that, people should try and solve the problems. First and foremost, in this contemporary world, resources have increased, so anyone can get help from the internet and can be solved any issue. To elaborate this point, if someone has any financial difficulties, then he/she can start his/her own start up with the help of internet and earn more money. Furthermore, when person cannot get basic facilities and money from any organization, then individual can change the company with help of internet and can solve problems.

In conclusion, both the above-said views are relevant and valid, but if I considered this logically, then latter view is more effective and powerful. From my point of view, people should try to solve problems and learn from it.

Feedback:
1. ‘that,’ – do not put comma after that
2. ‘bad situations’ – do not use the same words or phrases from the essay statement
3. ‘to learn our mistakes’ – to learn from our mistakes
4. ‘those’ – these
5. ‘problems’ – avoid repetition of words
6. ‘reasons behind people have to accept’ – reasons why people have to accept
7. ‘bad situations’ – using the same words from the essay statement highlights your weakness in vocabulary and would lower your score on lexical resources parameter
8. Your first body paragraph is confusing and not putting across your argument clearly. This will cut your score on coherence and cohesion parameter
9. ‘life’ – lives
10. ‘people think contradict the above-mentioned view’ – people think contrary to the aforementioned viewpoint
11. ‘internet’ – Internet with capital I
12. ‘can be solved any issue’ – can solve any issue

Band score – 5-5.5

Attempt 2: Most of us go through few challenging and sad circumstances in some stage of our life, it could happen due to various factors, such as, job dissatisfaction, insufficient money and painful life events (for instance, Death of family member and/or accidents). What should we do in these strange unhappy moments of life ? We will be discussing whether we should simply accept or attempt to resolve the issue in following paragraphs.

There could be few instances where we do not like our job but still continue to work due to some reason. I would like to illustrate one of the reason for this, job location is in our home town and we are not willing to leave our hometown due to homesickness. Some people prefer living simple and they tend to not put extra efforts to gain more money. These people are happy in their normal and ordinary life and not thriving for extra money on stake of spending extra efforts.




Even though there could be some situations (for example, handicapped due to accident, temporary job loss, theft, and many more) which can not be avoided and we might need to live with these. However, we must try to enhance our lifestyle by thinking how to get rid of bad situations. If we are short of money then we need to work towards cutting down our expences. In addition to this, we can do overwork for some time. There is no meaning to work in an organization where you do not enjoy your work, you are not motivated in you work and there is not recoginition. You should always work hard to get new job to have a piece of mind.

To sum up, I would like to say, there could be some unwanted awful situations which can not be controlled, but we must attempt to improvise those circumstances. We should always spend persistance efforts to enhance critical situations.

Feedback:
1. Please watch our tutorial on task 2 and learn how to make the perfect introduction. The link to the tutorial is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0_23FBCnMY
2. ‘sad circumstances in some stage of our life’ – at some stage of our lives
3. ‘(for instance, Death of family member and/or accidents).’ – do not write in brackets
4. ‘one of the reason’ – reasons not reason, always use plural form with the phrase one of the
5. ‘for extra money on stake of spending extra efforts’ – for extra money because of extra efforts required
6. You need to give better arguments in your first body paragraph
7. ‘can not’ – cannot is one word
8. ‘expences’ – expenses
9. ‘there is not recoginition’ – there is no recognition
10. The arguments in the second body paragraph are not coherent. You started with making more money and then suddenly moved to job satisfaction without any proper link between these
11. ‘To sum up’ – do not use this phrase it is very common and used by many students. To score good marks in writing you have to separate yourself from the crowd with exceptional writing.
12. Also the vocabulary used in the task is very basic which will not get you good score on lexical resources parameter. You need to incorporate better vocabulary. For that you can watch our vocabulary lessons on our channel.
13. ‘improvise those circumstances’ – improvise in those circumstances
14. ‘persistance’ – wrong spelling and correct formation is always make persistent efforts

Band score – 6